so.. i got on happy pills a while ago because i was having a paranoid freak out about 2 weeks ago thinking my boyfriend had found somebody else and was going to leave me. a few days later my friend killed himself. a week after that i had another breakdown about my boyfriend going after normal looking girls because if he's not attracted to me, he's more likely to cheat on me. basically i thought i was being crazy paranoid for no reason.

today i found out he cheated on me on his ex girlfriend 2 weeks ago around the exact day that i freaked out.

i may be depressed and always pessimistic. but this is exactly why.
i know when this shit is going on.
i always know.

i'm getting off the pills now.
i don't care anymore.
if i get sad there's a big reason for it even if i don't know it consciously.

i hate people.